Sebenernya gue pengen ngepost topik ini pas lagi bulan puasa, tapi apa daya gue gak bisa..
Gue mulai ikut puasa mungkin sekitar kelas 2 atau kelas 3 SD. Waktu kecil kayaknya gue relatif taat, dalam arti gue akan berpuasa semampu gue sesuai dengan aturan yang berlaku. Jadi gue gak ada cerita macam nyolong makanan dari lemari atau ngumpet di dalem lemari es (HAH!) atau minum air sambil berenang (euw!) atau pura2 lupa puasa... Yang gue permasalahkan adalah aturan berpuasa yang disampaikan ke gue waktu kecil, yaitu "Keluar darah" dan "Dilarang memasukan apapun ke dalam tubuh".
Keluar Darah
Yup.. Anak SD denger aturan bahwa keluar darah dapat membatalkan puasa, tentu akan diartikan secara harafiah. Termasuk gue pada saat itu.
Seperti layaknya anak laki2 yang sehat, maskulin dan bergairah tinggi, gue kadang suka main lompat karet bareng temen2 cewek gue.. Pada suatu waktu, gue kesandung dan jatuh.. Akibatnya dengkul gue rada lecet dan mengeluarkan darah.. Sadar kalo berdarah, gue langsung lari ke rumah trus minum yang banyak.. Jatuhnya kan gak sengaja, jadi batalnya juga gak sengaja.. Mudah2an gue jatuh setiap hari selama puasa..
Akhirnya gue tau, entah dari siapa atau dari mana, bahwa yang dimaksud keluar darah itu bukan keluar darah karena jatuh, tapi merajuk pada proses menstruasi.. Waktu pertama denger penjelasannya, gue masih agak gak yakin, "Masa sih?" . Yah, mungkin karena gue gak pernah ngerasain menstruasi, waktu itu gue juga mikir; "masa sih cuma cewe doank? Aturan cowo juga jangan kalah! Cowo kudu bisa menstruasi juga, biar sedikit puasanya!".
Gue gebleg? Ya, mungkin juga.. Tapi ini juga menunjukan bahwa guru agama di sekolah gue gak bisa menyampaikan informasi dengan lengkap dan tepat ke muridnya...
Dilarang Memasukan Apapun Ke Dalam Tubuh
Ini aturan yang gue dapet.. Secara umum tentu orang akan paham, terutama anak kecil pada umumnya, bahwa maksudnya adalah tidak boleh makan, minum termasuk ngemut/menghisap. Masalahnya gue bukan "anak kecil pada umumnya". Entah apakah tanda2 keterbelakangan mental atau bukan, gue kalo mikir kada suka terlalu "panjang" dan penuh pertanyaan yang gak penting.
Beberapa hari setelah gue mendapat "wahyu" tentang aturan itu, hidup gue jadi tersiksa dan penuh tantangan. Sebab gue menginterpretasikan aturan itu dan menganggap bahwa "ngupil" dapat membatalkan puasa. Lo boleh cegah gue makan, minum atau bahkan mandi, tapi lo gak akan bisa mencegah gue untuk ngupil. Buat gue, ngupil itu adalah sebuah kenikmatin duniawi yang tidak bisa dilepaskan.
Ngerti kan kenapa gue mikir kalo ngupil itu membatalkan puasa? Ya, karena ngupil itu adalah aktifitas memasukan benda ke dalam tubuh.. Memasukan jari gue kedalam lobang hidung.. Bahkan gak cuma sekedar dimasukan, tapi juga dikodek-kodek, diputer2 bahkan disodok2..
Waktu hari pertama sih gak terlalu bermasalah.. Kadang gue cukup "meniup hidung" seperti orang bersin agar upil gue bisa jatuh sendiri.. Sayangnya cara itu agak untung2an.. kadang bisa, kadang enggak.. Hari kedua dan selanjutnya gue makin frustasi.. Masalahnya hidung gue ini relatif mancung kedepan (biar lebih jelas kalo gue bukan mancung ke samping atau ke dalem). Orang yang hidungnya mancung itu, produksi upilnya sekian kali lipat lebih banyak dari jenis hidung yang lain...
Gue bersin-bersin biar upilnya terlempar.. Gak bisa!
Gue loncat-loncat biar upilnya jatuh.. Gak mau!
Gue pancing pake wortel biar upilnya keluar dari sarang.. Emangnya kelinci!
At the end of the day, akhirnya gue gak tahan dan ngupil sepuas-puasnya.. Abis itu gue sekalian minum aja.. Gue pikir, toh udah batal. Nyokap gue ngeliat dan nanya kenapa buka. Setelah nyokap ketawa2 dan menjelaskan arti dan batasan sebenernya aturan itu, saat itu gue menyadari bahwa gue memang cacat mental.
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monyetgaul wrote:
bener2 camen (cacat mental) hehehe
tapi aku dulu juga gitu bang!!!
danielle ndarusi wrote:
sama tuh.. gk boleh keluar darah itu aku kirain batal klo luka trus ngeluarin darah gitu. maksud guru mngkin biar gk trlalu vulgar di murid sd, tapi malah bisa mnmbulkan salah paham
ZeAL wrote:
@monyetgaul: berarti sama2 cacat donk.. haha
@ndarusi: ternyata bukan gue doank, tho.. Perasaan gak vulgar deh.. aturan bilang aja proses menstruasi..
estya wrote:
this blog makes me ngguyu gegulingan..binti gigitekan..
saufi wrote:
Lha kan bisa ngupil pas buka hari pertama om.. :p
ZeAL wrote:
@estya: Awas, kegigit lidahnya..
@saufi: Err.. masa cuma buka hari pertama doank? Bagaimana dengan hari kedua, ketiga dan seterusnya? Kejaaaaam...
christian louboutin heels wrote:
sama tuh.. gk boleh keluar darah itu aku kirain batal klo luka trus ngeluarin darah gitu. maksud guru mngkin biar gk trlalu vulgar di murid sd, tapi malah bisa mnmbulkan salah paham
louboutin shoes wrote:
bener2 camen (cacat mental) hehehe
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