Mungkin beberapa waktu terakhir ini, gue merasa bener2 ada di posisi terendah.. Gue merasa kehilangan tujuan dan semangat untuk hidup.. Call it depression or stress, whatever! It's the same! Tapi kalo gue ditanya, "apa yang bikin gue begini?". Hmm.. gue paling cuma garuk2 kepala dan bilang; "gak tau..". Ya, mungkin karena terlalu banyak yang terjadi pada saat yang hampir bersamaan, bikin gue bingung sendiri, sebenernya yang mana sih yang bermasalah..
Mungkin untuk secara singkatnya, gue bakal jawab; "keadaan yang membuat gue begini..". Campuran yang tepat antara masalah pekerjaan, sosial, waktu, tenaga atau lainnya... Tp pastinya, I dont blame anyone/someone/everyone or anything/something/everything.. Well, sometimes shit happens for no reasons..
Sudah jadi semacam "pola" bahwa sekali atau beberapa kali dalam setahun, gue pasti bakal merasakan "ups" and "downs".. Tapi kayaknya belum pernah gue merasa serendah seperti sekarang ini.. Dan parahnya lagi, ini sudah berjalan beberapa minggu bahkan bulan..
Pekerjaan yang bertumpuk.. Lelah fisik dan mental.. Perasaan jenuh.. Ditambah gak ada siapa2 yang bisa diajak ngobrol dengan leluasa dan sepenuh hati.. Semuanya dah kayak puluhan jebakan tersembunyi di film Indiana Jones, menunggu gue untuk salah melangkah...
Dan apakah gue bisa salah langkah? Ya, walau gue sudah dilengkapi ijasah menjadi mantri via email ternyata gue juga bisa salah langkah.. Tapi untungnya gak pernah dan gak akan pernah fatal.. Seberapa fatal rentangnya? Hmm.. skala 1 sampe 10, maka 1 adalah "bolos ngantor" dan 10 adalah "suicide".. hiiii...
Please, sebelum komentar macem2 soal "suicide", disini gue jadikan skala 10 sekedar untuk mendramatisasi aja, kok.. Gue sadar ini bukan sinetron.. Dan gue masih punya logic yang bekerja sempurna.. Dan keluarga gue berfungsi sebagai "reality check".. Jadi "suicide" tidak akan gue lakukan, sebab kalo sampe gue lakukan maka blog gue ini seharusnya namanya MonyetGoblog.com...
Trus, mau tau salah satu "skala 10" yang beberapa kali gue pertimbangkan untuk gue lakukan?
Well, it's quiting my job...
Buat sebagian orang, keluar dari pekerjaan bukan sebuah masalah besar.. Bahkan gue juga beranggapan seperti itu... Gue selalu beranggapan bahwa "uang itu memang penting tapi bukan yang utama"... Sayangnya kondisinya sedang gak memungkinkan.. Yang utama adalah sekarang ini gue jadi tulang punggung keluarga.. Gue masih ada 2 adek yang harus dibiayai kuliahnya.. Gue masih ada tagihan yang harus dilunasi.. Tentu saja bokap gue dapet uang pensiun.. Tapi ternyata gak cukup atau terlalu mepet.. Belum lagi status gue yang juga mahasiswa.. Makin rumit deh jadinya..
Kalo gue mo egois dan gak perduli, gue dah mabur entah kemana... Tapi sayangnya (untungnya?), i love my family too much.. What can i say.. I'm a family guy... hehe..
Jadi sejauh ini, gue cuma banyak menghela nafas... dirumah cuma tidur dan mengurung diri di kamar gara2 kecapekan kerja dan ditambah gak ada teman main... Dan sejauh ini gue masih bertahan dan tentu saja masih hidup.. hehe..
Trus hasil apa yang tak terduga dari keadaan ini?
Eng.. Ing.. Eng..!!! Berat gue turun drastis.. Sempet turun 10 kg, dari 86kg..
Sekarang berat gue ada di kisaran 79 - 81kg.. Yah, paling tidak keinginan gue untuk agak kurus biar kembali keliatan kayak anak ABG bisa terpenuhi.. Walaupun dengan cara yang sangat tidak menyenangkan! But, hey! No Pain! No Gain! hehe..
Sebenernya gue agak "enggan" untuk nulis semua ini di blog gue.. Soalnya blog gue kan biasanya mengundang senyum atau tertawa atau jejeritan atau muntah2... Post yang rada suram ini takutnya bikin yang baca ikut2an suram.. Tp mungkin ini sebagai sebuah jawaban (atau alasan?) atas pertanyaan yang muncul karena gue gak pernah ngirim post lagi...
So, sekali lagi gue minta maaf kalo akhir2 ini ada sikap gue yang kurang pas..
Oia, trus "skala 10" gue yang lainnya? hmm.. untuk sementara gue simpen dulu kali, yeee.. hehe..
Wish you all for the best!
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HoldsOn wrote:
Turun 10 kg?! Curang.. Gw cm bs turun 9 kg. Ga rela.. (Teriak2 sambil lari kllg lapngan) -1 lg korban depresi-
monyetgaul wrote:
itu biasa abang....
gapapa di-share aja masalahnya kali ada yang bantu...
pikir aja dulu... quiting job sama aja kamu lari dari masalah dan nyari masalah lagi...
intinya sih kamu harus menyelesaikan apa yang udah kamu mulai gitu lah
emyou wrote:
mau liaaaaatttt...!!!
you know you can always sms, call or meet me, nyet.. i'm here :)
ZeAL wrote:
@HoldsOn: selesai teriak2 sambil lari keliling lapangan, dijamin turun 1 kg lagi plus ambulan sudah menunggu..
@monyetgaul: emm.. ya ntar kapan2 di share, deh.. Soal quiting job belum tentu "lari dari masalah", bisa aja malah "menyelesaikan masalah".. tergantung perspektifnya aja.. Cuma masalahnya resiko yang harus ditanggung itu butuh pertimbangan matang..
Dan tentu saja gue berusaha menyelesaikan apa yang sudah gue mulai.. Masa udah buka jasa konsultasi & mantri, gue gak bisa "mengobati" diri sendiri, sih.. malu atuh.. hehe.. cuma butuh waktu aja..
thanks..
@emyou: Yakin mau liat? Ntar kamu tergoda, loh.. aku jadi sexy, loh.. takaran chubby-nya pas.. hehe..
yep, i know i can always count on you..
thankyou, princess.. :)
sarah wrote:
hem koq ngungkapin blognya cukup klise kek gitu yah?...bikin pnazaran ajah..
cie ilee...emang apaan bikin pnazaran..wadoh narsis beuh..
blacknail wrote:
ehhh apa bener keluar dari krjaan cari masalah bru yah??
gmn klo gw ga suka kerjaannya??
Bubba wrote:
sepertinya ada monyet yang lagi perlu dua gelas whiskey nih :)
ZeAL wrote:
@sarah: Sengaja biar penasaran.. Kalo penasaran kan jadi beli buku gue.. (JAELAAA.. Serasa gue punya buku aja.. haha)
@blacknail: Gak juga tuh.. Kalo emang gak suka ya keluar aja.. Tapi sebelum keluar, cari kerjaan pengganti dulu..
@Bubba: Kayaknya gue lebih suka dua gelas wedang jahe dan dipijat..haha..
shila wrote:
wow...ternyata kamu tidak sependiam yg aku kira..apalagi setelah baca beberapa posting di blog kamu.
ternyata memang benar ada ungkapan don't judge the book by it's cover.
menarik juga ^^
anyway, komen aku adalah waktu akan menyembuhkan luka, menghilangkan duka terutama apabila kamu punya teman untuk melewati semua itu. semangat, terutama kamu harus ingat kita senantiasa punya Tuhan tempat kita bisa meminta & berdoa senantiasa.
regards
ZeAL wrote:
hmm.. ini shila mana, ya?
we know each other in real life, right?
Soalnya nyebut aku pendiem.. dan aku diem cuma di kantor, kuburan dan toilet.. dan kayaknya gak mungkin kamu penghuni kuburan atau kita ketemu di toilet..
Soal ungkapan itu, kamu kurang lengkap.. seharusnya; "don't judge the book by it's cover.. make sure you read all of it before you buy it.. ". (apa coba?!?!)
Ya, waktu memang membantu menyembuhkan luka.. tp tanpa teman untuk melewati, waktu yang dibutuhkan menjadi berlipat2 kali lebih lama..
Tp kadang kalo penyebab lukanya tidak dihilangkan; lukanya tidak dibersihkan, lukanya tidak dirawat, hasil akhirnya malah infeksi dan mempengaruhi lainnya..
Sayangnya gak semua orang punya kesempatan yang baik untuk membersihkan lukanya terlebih dulu sebelum waktu menyembuhkannya..
aahhh.. aku sok filosofis sekali.. haha...
Thankyou, Shila.. I appreciate it.. :)
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