Sebelum ada yang protes bahwa tulisan gue kali ini terlalu vulgar, perlu gue ingatkan bahwa pipis adalah sesuatu yang indah, melegakan dan tak mungkin ditinggalkan.. Coba bayangkan kalo lo gak pipis selama 1 hari penuh.. Bayangkan antrian pipis yang panjang yang menghalangi antara elo dan toilet.. Bayangkan masih banyak fakir pipis dan anak terlantar..
So, lets give pipis some credits..
Semua pasti tau urinoir.. Bahkan cewek yang lagi kepepet pasti pernah menggunakannya. Buat yang gak pernah liat urinoir, silahkan mampir ke blog yang mendedikasikan diri untuk membahas toilet.
Nah, dari pengalaman gue buang hajat di wc umum, setiap orang yang make urinoir ternyata punya gaya sendiri2. Dari yang normal sampe yang menurut gue rada2 ekstrim.
Berikut beberapa gaya yang gue pernah saksikan dengan mata kepala -pundak -lutut -kaki -lutut -kaki gue sendiri..
Gaya Sikap Sempurna
Ini gaya yang paling umum, biasa ditemukan di toilet manapun. Gue bahkan menganut aliran gaya ini. Sikap sempurna tersebut menunjukan dedikasi yang tinggi dalam buang hajat . Kaki membuka lebar kira2 sejajar pinggul. Tatapan mata lurus kedepan, gak nengok2 apalagi ngintip tetangga sebelah. Celana yang dibuka hanya retsleting saja dimana si Junior bisa leluasa beraktifitas tanpa memberi kesan pamer keperkasaan. Sempurna!
Gaya Paranoid
Ini gaya pernah gue liat pas di toilet bioskop. Kebetulan urinoir nya itu berjejer di 2 sisi tembok yang bersampingan. Jadi kayak membentuk huruf L gitu. Nah, si bapak ini ada di urinoir yang paling pojok, di sudut. Okelah, dia mungkin takut ada homo yang mo ngintip pas pipis, tapi ini agak2 kebangetan. Jadi posisi badannya miring menghadap sudut dan bukannya menghadap urinoir. Kalo dilihat, kayaknya posisi badannya serong 45 derajat terhadap urinoir. Udah gitu, badannya mepet banget. Dari jauh, kesannya dia kayak lagi pelukan ma urinoir. Gue baru aja kepikiran, "hey, mungkin pipisnya gak lurus! Kan bisa aja!". Tapi setelah gue pikir lagi, apa iya sebegitu pendek dan kecilnya ukuran si Junior sampe gak bisa disuruh nengok biar pipis ke jalan yang benar? Hmm.. mungkin dia telah menemukan teknik pipis yang paling baru, paling baik dan paling efektif. Dan dia gak ingin ada orang lain mencontek. "Apa lo liat2?", "Jangan nyontek lo!", "Makanya belajar, donk!", "Rajin pangkal pipisnya lurus"; mungkin ini yang ada di pikirannya waktu dia pipis gaya paranoid.
Gaya Ekspresif
Dibeberapa tempat, sering kita harus antri untuk bisa menggunakan urinoir. Nah, gaya ekspresif adalah gaya yang paling sibuk sendiri. Suatu ketika gue kebelet pipis, gue masuk ke toilet dan menemukan panjangnya antrian di urinoir. Gak panjang banget sih, cuma beberapa orang aja. Tapi lo pasti tau rasanya kalo lagi kebelet kencing, semua bagai bergerak dalam gerak lambat. Nah, si orang yang baru dapet giliran berikutnya, maju kedepan dan diem sebentar kayak lagi merenung atau mungkin berdoa atau mungkin lagi nginget2 kompor di dapur udah dimatiin atau belum. Akhirnya dari gerak tangannya kelihatan kalo mulai menurunkan retsletingnya. Abis itu dia ndongakin kepalanya keatas kayak lagi memohon. Tiba2 ni orang mendesah keenakan; "AAahhh....". Lha, gue yang dibelakangnya persis kan bingung; "Busyet, sejak kapan toilet berubah fungsi jadi saritem?". Abis itu ini orang nunduk lagi kepalanya, mungkin sedang merekalibrasi dan mensejajarkan arah trajektori dari pancuran biologis-nya. Trus tiba2 dia ndongak lagi kepalanya, dan lagi2 mendesah "aaahhhh..". Busyet! Bisa berabe kalo ntar gue, yang posisinya ada persis dibelakang dia, dianggap melakukan tindakan tidak senonoh oleh orang2 disekitar. Untung bukan di toilet Mall Taman Anggrek , bisa2 orang2 yang dibelakang gue nyolek gue trus mbisikin "om, saya bisa loh bikin om mendesah kayak gitu.. Mau?".. Hiiiiiiiiiiiii....
Gaya Kebanjiran
Ini juga salah satu gaya yang gue gak ngerti alasannya. Ada orang yang kalo kencing di urinoir, nggulung celana panjangnya sampe selutut. Okelah digulung kalo di dalam wc jongkok,tapi ini urinoir gitu loch.. Ya logikanya, bentuk urinoir kan cukup "luas". Bentuknya juga didesain untuk meminimalisir cipratan dari dalam. Apa iya seburuk itu dia mengarahkan "senjatanya"? Malah kadang ada orang yang nggulung celananya tinggi banget sampe keliatan pahanya yang berbulu lebat.. Huek! Gue gak selera!
Gaya Striptease
Ini gaya yang paling gue gak ngerti, kenapa tega banget merusak pemandangan. Suatu ketika gue masuk ke toilet, belok kanan menuju urinoir dan gue melihat pemandangan yang traumatis: bapak2, botak dan gendut menurunkan seluruh celananya sampe ke betis, lagi kencing di tengah2 deretan urinoir. Kolornya mengintip manja dari balik kemejanya yang kegedean. Busyet, ni orang! Kalo ini lagi di toilet Mall Taman Anggrek , udah abis diperkosa tuh orang.
Mbok ya jaga keindahan, gitu loh.. Gak semua orang berselera liat bapak2 botak telanjang setengah badan di depan urinoir. Kalo emang seneng ada angin sepoi2 mengalir diantara paha, ya mbok masuk aja ke ruangan closet yang tertutup. Paling tidak mata gue gak jadi katarak.. Sejak kejadian itu, kalo ada orang yang pipis pake gaya itu, langsung gue bisikin; "Duuw, om.. Gerah ya? Sini eike tiupin..".
** Hilang sudah selera untuk piring ke-2 makan malam gue.. **
See, guys.. Jagalah etika ber-pipis anda ketika di tempat umum. Jangan ngomong soal kesejahteraan sosial kalo pipis aja blom bisa lurus. Perbaikilah dari hal-hal yang kecil.. Karena dari hal kecil itulah bisa menjadi besar..
May the power of pipis be with you..
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bee wrote:
Kurang tuh! Ada satu gaya lagi, gaya eksibisionis. Jgn tanya artinya, aku juga gak tau. :P Gaya ini rada aneh juga. Pelaku gak berdiri menghadap urinoir, tapi malah duduk di urinior menghadap ke luar. Lalu dia dgn santai dan tanpa malu2 membuka retsleting dan memamerkan senjatanya. Kemudian tanpa rasa bersalah, malah justru PD abis, dia pipis ke lantai dgn sudut luncur sekitar 45 hingga 60 derajat!
99% bisa dipastikan pelakunya adalah org gila, atau Zeal. Hahahahahaha...
[ZeAL] wrote:
HAH!!! Jadi lo merhatiin gue toh!! Duh, malunya aku.. tapi aku menikmatinya..
Ya enggak laaaaaaaaaaaaahh.. Masa orang nampan-rupawan-bakwan kayak gue gak punya etika dalam ber-pipis.
Tapi kalo beneran ngeliat orang pipis kayak gitu, mungkin gue trauma berat..
ryan wrote:
Nyet, pernah pipis gaya ngebor gak?? klo blom, cobain deh... pasti basah semua..
ZeAL wrote:
Wah.. belom pernah tuh..
Dulu paling pernah pipis gaya kayang sama pipis patah-patah..
Untung gak di sweeping FPI..
ryan wrote:
pipis gaya patah2?
yg patah apanya nyet?
jangan2....
ZeAL wrote:
yang patah itu moral-nya..
patah.. hancur.. remuk... menjadi debu..
**apa coba?!?!**
Hoek Soegirang wrote:
gyahahaha...ancur sangadh fostingan ini!!! ah ya, salam kenal! ternyata orang-orang furwokerto itu otaknya ancur sangadh yak! *sok ngakrab*
sorry OOT = kalo mudik ke puerto rico, mamfir di warnet 88 yak! saia tiaf hari menggentayangi meja oferatornya, hohohoho...
ZeAL wrote:
salam kenal juga..
warnet 88 itu sebelah mananya warnet 87..?
Kalo naik becak dari kauman, berapa jam perjalanan..?
saRe- wrote:
hwahahaha
sempet bingung sih apa itu "urinoir", soalnya belom pernah coba pake :P
ZeAL wrote:
aahhh.. maca cieee...??? ;)
Kalo kebelet dan darurat lebih seneng ngumpet dibalik pot bunga yaa? hehe..
stey wrote:
Gaya ekspresif, ma pipis ma acungkan tangan "METAL" wkakakaka..
bubba wrote:
mbok ya referensi tulisan anda dibuat agak lebih berbobot gitu, wimar witoelar kek, enda nasution kek, masa mainnya ke blog b0ker...
ZeAL wrote:
@stey: METAL JUGAAAA...!!!
@bubba: Duh, gimana yah... panggilan nurani sih.. haha..
bodrox wrote:
kalau gaya nongkrong ada gak ya?
ZeAL wrote:
Kalo gaya nongkrong itu namanya: BOKER
enrico wrote:
om ..kencing gaya kayang gimana tuch..ajarin dunk!!
ZeAL wrote:
Jah.. masa pas SMP gak diajarin kayang, tiger sprong, posisi lilin, posisi kuda, posisi 69 pas lagi olah raga? Duh, ketinggalan jaman banget deh ahh..
Coba buka lagi buku2 pelajaran pas SMP lo..
naughty_ wrote:
ada gag gaya kejaNg2??
ZeAL wrote:
Gaya kejang2 ada, tapi gak dipraktekin takut disangka kesurupan..
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