Sejak jaman dahulu kala, waktu gue masih seekor wicak yang ingusan- tapi- sudah- mulai- menunjukan- bakat- nampan- rupawan- bakwan, gue doyan sama memasak, meracik, membumbui dan aktifitas kulinari lainnya terutama aktifitas memakan. Satu2nya aktifitas kulinari yang gue gak suka sampe sekarang adalah: mencuci piring dan penggorengan yang gosong.. (Enggak, masakan gue gak pernah gagal.. Penggorengan gosong itu termasuk kedalam resep.. **alasan yang tak beralasan!**)
Banyak kejadian memasak gue yang layak dibanggakan, walau kayaknya jauh lebih banyak yang tidak bisa dibanggakan. Dibanggakan dalam hal rasa, dan tidak dibanggakan dalam hal korban jiwa. Seperti motto memasak gue:
"Kenikmatan masakan saya terjamin, tapi keselamatan nyawa anda tidak dijamin!"
Suatu ketika gue pernah masak ayam goreng.. Ayam goreng kampung dengan bumbu yang udah menyerap.. Jadi rasanya gurih banget. Enak! Nah, waktu itu gue cuma tinggal goreng aja. Tp gue gak puas dengan gorengan gue sebelumnya, soalnya dagingnya kurang garing. Kalo garing kan jadi bisa kriyuk-kriyuk enak gituh.. Maka logika gue menyatakan:
1. Gedein apinya.
2. Masukin ayamnya.
3. Tutup wajannya.
4. dan tunggu yang lama.
Langkah 1 sampe 3 sebenernya sudah tepat. Tapi langkah no. 4 bener2 diluar "keahlian" gue dalam memasak. Kalo orang masak ayam, paling 15 menit udah di entas.. Nah, karena gue pengen hasil yang krispy... gue biarin ayamnya dalam penggorengan selama 1 jam!
Setelah 1 jam, di cium dari jauh dan didekati pelan-pelan ke arah penggorengan, kecium banget bau gosong. Pas gue buka tutup penggorengannya, keliatan ayamnya kayak abis berjemur nudis di padang pasir sahara gak pake sun block lotion: gosong! Tapi ada pepatah, jangan menilai sebuah buku dari judulnya.. Jangan menilai orang dari merk kolornya.. Jangan menilai rasa ayam dari bentuknya...
Gue sebagai koki yang bertanggung jawab, harus ngicipin ayam tersebut sebelum disajikan ke orang lain. Setelah ayam tersebut agak dingin, gue gigit sebagian.. dan... UWEEEKK.. gue muntahin lagi.. Ini resep paling sensasional dari gue: Ayam rasa Areng.. Dagingnya udah berubah jadi areng..
Krispy sih iya, tapi ini kripsy jadi abu..
Resep Ayam Goreng Bumbu Areng ala Wicak
1. Ayam yang telah dibumbui.
2. Penggorengan lengkap dengan minyak goreng.
3. Kompor.
4. Tutup panci buat nutup kompor.
5. Buku TTS & Pulpen.
Langkah pembuatan:
1. Nyalakan kompor, letakkan penggorengan keatas kompor.
2. Tuang minyak goreng ke penggorengan.
3. Masukan ayam ke penggorengan dan tutup dengan tutup panci.
4. Kerjakan soal2 TTS sampe selesai semuanya.
5. Jika TTS sudah selesai, tandanya ayam anda siap untuk diangkat & ditiriskan .
6. Sajikan selagi hangat ke orang2 tersayang anda.
Tips:
- Untuk meningkatkan rasa, goreng areng sebanyak 1 genggam atau sesuai selera bersama-sama dengan ayam.
Nasi Goreng Kepepet
Gue juga suka bereksperimen... Yang namanya orang kelaperan dan kepepet, ide yang muncul suka brilliant..
Berhubung nyokap jarang masak, bumbu di lemari suka ala kadarnya... Paling cuma kecap, sambel/saos, bawang, garem, gula dan bumbu penyedap.. Pokoknya minim deh.. Nah, waktu itu gue sendirian dirumah.. Orang2 lagi pada pergi.. Duit gak megang.. Makanan gak ada.. Cemilan dan habis.. Yang ada cuma nasi putih doank.. Akhirnya dengan tekad membara, gue berniat mo bikin nasi goreng..
Yang namanya orang kelaperan, mikir pasti gak jelas.. Apalagi gue, kenyang aja mikir suka gak jelas, apalagi pas lagi kelaperan..
Jadi semua bumbu di lemari gue keluarin semua.. dan gue identifikasi satu-satu.. Oww.. ini garem.. Oww.. ini kecap.. Oww.. ini upil.. *LHO!*
Setelah motong2 bawang, gue goreng bawangnya dengan minyak goreng.. (ya iyalah minyak goreng, masa minyak durex play)
Abis itu nasinya gue masukin.. garem.. kecap.. saos.. lada.. ketumbar.. kacang atom nemu di pojokan.. pelezat merk A.. penguat rasa merk B.. Blok kaldu rasa sapi merk C.. dan sebagai pelengkap, Mecin merk D..
Setelah gue ngerasa cukup, gue taro di atas piring dan siap untuk dimakan.. Dari aromanya sih meyakinkan.. kayaknya enak... So, gue ambil sendok dan duduk di depan meja makan, siap untuk menyantap Nasi Goreng Kepepet ala Wicak...
Dan akhirnya kejadian juga, gue makan itu nasi goreng.. Rasanya.. mak nyooosss... Campuran berbagai pelezat, penguat rasa dan kaldu instan bener2 membuat nasi goreng gue ini memiliki rasa yang sangat kuat.. Dan berkat teknik menggoreng gue yang hebat sehingga bumbunya tidak tercampur dengan rata.. Jadinya kadang rasa A muncul.. ntar dikunyah lagi, rasa B yang muncul.. Abis itu, rasa C yang muncul.. dst.. dst.. Hebat, kaaan??
Setelah nasi gorengnya abis, gue tiduran.. kekenyangan... Gak lama kemudian kepala gue mulai puyeng.. perut mulai eneg.. Jalan sempoyongan.. "Wah.. jangan2 gue keracunan..!!", pikir gue saat itu..
Bayangan keluarga dan orang2 yang disayangi muncul bergantian.. Gue kudu bikin surat wasiat dulu, "dengan ini saya tinggalkan koleksi kolor warna-warni saya untuk bisa dilelang. Dan hasil lelangnya akan digunakan untuk membantu penelitian pengembangan kolor yang lebih baik".
Lanjut, karena aus, gue minum yang banyak... Abis itu gue ketiduran.. Bangun2 gue jadi puyeng dan badan gue lemes dan sakit perut..
Dan akhirnya gue tau ini semua karena pelezat makanan/penguat rasa/mecin/dsb..
Dan kayaknya efek sampingnya masih terasa sampe sekarang..
Gue ngerasa otak gue yang rada edan ini adalah akibat dari Nasi Goreng Kepepet ..
Dulu gue udah ngerasa kalo gue punya potensi sebagai Profesor atau minimal Doktor, lah..
Tapi Nasi Goreng Kepepet telah menghancurkan potensi gue... Huhuhu...
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pha wrote:
huahahaha...
jadi penasaran pengen cicip. coba dong bikinin lasagna. tar aku siapin obat sakit perut n aer kelapa muda deh buat persiapan kemungkinan terburuk deh..
lagian kalo kamu beneran jadi doktor ato profesor, kira2 di bidang apa yak? qiqiqiqi....
ZeAL wrote:
Hey.. gak usah penasaran..
Lihat akibat dari penasaran main jalangkung..
Lihat akibat dari penasaran lewat terowongan kasablangka.. (eh, kayaknya salah yah nulis nama terowongannya..??)
Lihat akibat dari penasaran pengen di cium..
Kalo terlalu penasaran, hasilnya biasanya kurang bagus.. Berani terima tantangan ini?
Hmm... Doktor atau Profesor bidang perbokepan..
prizka cute-cat wrote:
huahahahhahahahhah......
sebagai ibu siska (suwitomo) - di kantor nama gw jadi ibu siska gituh! - terlihat anda memiliki bakat sebagai koki...terutama jika dinilai dari anatomi perut yang menggelembung, mata yg berbinar jika melihat makanan..dan sirip yg bergerak cepat mendekati makanan tersebut! bagus...sepertinya anda perlu ikut casting finding nemo: the lost food! sayang anda kurang oranye....kakakkakakak.....
prizka cute-cat wrote:
wait a minute!
jalangkung???
kasablangka???
pengen dicium???
i missed these stories !!!
huhuhhuhuhuu.....
harus jadi pacarmu dulu yah kalo pengen tau???? beratz!
pha wrote:
no comment ahhh....
*siul-siul mode on*
ZeAL wrote:
gak perlu sih..
Kalo pengen nyoba ya silahkan aja.. huhu..
teeweeq wrote:
??? No comment, selain ha ha ha. Tapi kayaknya aku perlu mengucapkan syukur Alhamdulillah kamu pernah makan nasi goreng naas itu. COba bayangkan..kalo kamu pinter dan serius kayak profesor, nggak bakal ada blog ini ato milis itu, ato yang ngabisin dim sum sekaligus pecel ayam jus, dan.., dan... ya nggak ya nggak. Seperti doraemon yg tercipta karena kasih sayang tulus dari seorang bodoh seperti nobita, Loh?? hehe
ZeAL wrote:
kalo gue gak makan nasi goreng kepepet, mungkin dunia akan lebih baik lagi.. tidak ada perang.. tidak ada kelaparan.. tidak ada kemiskinan.. who knows...
pha wrote:
...tidak ada supplyer bokep... huahahahha... :p
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